


Weight Wears Down The Infrastructure

by HalfASlug



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 16:18:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10338890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfASlug/pseuds/HalfASlug
Summary: Ellie Miller has weathered every storm life has thrown at her. For the worst of it, she has done it on her own. One night, however, she remembers that she doesn't have to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written after s3e3 but set before s3.  
> My usual rule is to make sure Ellie Miller isn't too sad because Chris Chibnall has that covered. I have broken this rule here. This could be read as brotp. Title is from the song "Everybody That Loves You" by Bomb The Music Industry!

It was supposed to have been a difficult day and it had - just in ways Ellie hadn’t expected. All week she had been busy with preparations, arrangements and arguments and the big day had been just as hectic.

Somewhere in the middle of the mayhem, she had buried her mother.

Even that had been a blur for her. Freddie had refused to sit still throughout Lucy's eulogy. She had wondered if this was what funerals were supposed to be like, if those in attendance were more stressed than sad.

Judging by the rest of her family, she gathered it was just her.

Her dad had been lost all week. She kept finding him in the garden in the middle of the night, telling her he didn’t know what to do as if she had the answer. Tom hadn’t been much better, having barricaded himself in his room and only leaving for meals. Seeing him shut down had Ellie terrified that he’d blame her again. The scars from their last estrangement hadn’t healed nearly as much as she liked to pretend they had. Lucy was drinking again. Ellie watched her sister sleep on her sofa, having been allowed to stay so Olly wouldn’t see her, and sighed. Olly knew, of course, but was turning a blind eye, hoping she’d be able to stop once the worst was over.

She slipped out into the night and waited for the tears that hadn’t arrived yet. Her eyes stayed dry so she headed down an unfamiliar route, hoping she remembered the way.

Now that she had escaped the suffocating pressure of needing to be there for everyone and holding her entire family together, Ellie was left with nothing but guilt for how she had been acting all day. These were her nearest and dearest and all she wanted was space away from them to think.

Then again, now she was alone, she was more angry than anything. She wanted nothing more than to scream into the night because the florist kept calling her and Paul wouldn’t leave her alone and her dad kept telling her she didn’t understand but she did. She really did. The only difference was when she lost her husband, she wasn’t allowed to grieve or fall apart. She wasn’t allowed to get support from friends and kind wishes from strangers. She wasn’t allowed a funeral or to miss him or her life or her future.

Deep down, she knew it was different. It did nothing to help the gnawing sensation in her chest.

Her husband and her mother had been taken away from her in different but cruel ways and she had been unable to stop it either time.

There was a light on at the top of the hill. It was how Ellie knew she had found her way through the dark.

She knocked on the glass door and he let her in straight away as though he had been expecting her.

Hardy had been back in Broadchurch a couple of weeks and this was only the second time she had been to his house. It was still a shock to see him at all, let alone casually dressed in navy jumper and glasses.

He gestured for her to sit on the sofa and disappeared into the kitchen to make presumably make tea. Now she was alone in an unfamiliar environment, she worried about him being able to smell the smoke on her from hours ago when Lucy had offered her a fag. She felt guilty about it now but she would have accepted anything at the time.

When he returned with the tea, he handed hers to her then sat down on the same sofa with his own. It wasn’t until she was holding the warm mug that Ellie realised how cold her hands were. She took a sip and nearly choked, having forgotten how strong he made it. The shock grounded her and she relaxed for the first time that day.

Unlike everyone else, Hardy wasn’t expecting anything from her or waiting for her to break. He was just… there.

Nearly half of her mug was gone before one of them spoke.

“I forgot the cheese and pineapple on a stick things,” Ellie said, hating the cracked edges of her voice. “Meant to make them. For the buffet. Didn’t get chance.”

Hardy paused a beat before replying. “Did anyone notice?”

“No one said. But what the fuck am I meant to do with all that diced pineapple?”

“Eat it?”

“I hate pineapple.”

“Of course you do,” Hardy sighed.

She turned to him for the first time since sitting down. He looked more relaxed than she expected him to be. “Don’t suppose you want some pineapple?”

“Do I not get the cheese as well?”

“I’ve already eaten all the cheese. It’s all I’ve eaten today.”

His forehead creased as he pointed towards the kitchen. “Do you want-”

“No. Not hungry.” Ellie gave him a tight smile and was grateful when he didn’t push the issue. She knew she would regret not eating tomorrow, but right now she couldn’t think of anything worse.

It was so peaceful in this part of town that she could hear herself think for the first time in a fortnight. Of course, that was what she’d been avoiding. Lucy’s eulogy broke through Fred’s whinging and her dad’s cries overwhelmed her own fears and suddenly it was all there. All the finality and loss hit her at once.

There was nothing left to distract her from her mum being dead and her family being distraught.  

It was the last thing she had wanted to do, but soon she was crying in front of Alec Hardy again.

She wiped her eyes, knowing it was futile and she wouldn’t be able to stop any time soon. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He found a box of tissues on the side table and handed them to her. She took a bunch with a noise that sounded like thanks. “You’ve got to let yourself grieve,” he told her quietly. “You can’t just bottle it up and hope it gets easier on it’s own.”

“When does it get easier?” she asked, knowing he was the only person she trusted to give her a real answer. If she heard another vague platitude she was going to set fire to something.

“Never, really. It just... changes.”

“Great,” she snorted.

Hardy looked pained at not being able to give her a better answer but she was grateful when he didn’t try and tack on a lie to the end of his answer. It was refreshing, really, this calm honesty, after days of empty well-wishing and falling apart. They were all hurting. Why did she have to be the strong one time and time again?

Stressed out days and sleepless nights piled up and Ellie was powerless to stop the tears coming thick and fast now. She buried her face in her hands, hating that Hardy was seeing her like this again.

A warm weight was placed over her shoulders. It wasn’t until it pulled her slightly that she realised that it was Hardy’s arm, giving her no choice about whether she was getting a hug or not.

She didn’t fight it. It was sort of nice, really. Being held by someone that didn’t need propping up themselves.

“What was it your mum said?” she eventually mumbled into his shirt, too embarrassed to look at him properly. “Something about God being in the right place?”

She felt him stiffen under her cheek. “God will put you in the right place even if you don’t know it at the time.”

“Right. ‘S’beautiful.” She sniffed. “I can’t remember the last thing my mum said to me. I’m never going to know.”

He wrapped both his arms around her. All of the questions that would forever go unanswered and the hopeless pleas for more time were still stabbing at her but, for the first time since getting the call that changed everything, Ellie had enough perspective to know that, one day, it wouldn’t be as suffocating.

She buried her face further into Hardy’s shoulder and wished she didn’t have to move from there, where everything was stable, real and warm. Soon, she knew, she would go home and do her best to fix her family, deal with all the cold legal documents and help box up an entire life that still had so much to give. However, for a few minutes, she didn’t have to be the strong one.

Even after two years without a word from him, Hardy still had a way of making her feel vulnerable but safe. Ellie closed her eyes against the thought. She had no idea if she hated or loved him for it.


End file.
